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Tinder and Ratatouille: When To Swipe Left Y’all…

 

“Let’s flirt for a week and  see what happens”, he says. I think, swipe left please.  A week long ego stroke? A lot to ask for and I mean, who has that kind of time? In this brave new world of app dating it is surprisingly easy to identify the rules and even speak the language. This one is too needy and that might be an understatement.

“I’m Buddhist”. Okay, so you like asians. I mean, any other denomination doesn’t go around saying, “Hello there, I am methodist”… as a jumping off point. C’Mon Man. Swipe left y’all.

Profile pic of you in a giant chair, feet dangling not far enough to reach the ground. I still do not get this one. It only makes you look like a man-child. Where are all of these big chairs? They must be destroyed. Not a great photographic opportunity dude, move along…that is not the big chair you are looking for. Ladies, swipe left.

Pics with kids…creepy to the stars and back. Not fair to the innocent kids. Do not care if they are yours, a sibling’s, or just strangers. Keep kids off the dating apps, that is so weird that swiping left doesn’t even seem harsh enough.

Bathroom selfie, never a good option. You say she asked for it. If this is the case, she is an idiot who probably posts pics of her best fish face along with her kids. Eesh. I am baffled at the idea of a urinal in the background as being sexy. Just say no. And swipe…

You are lost in a crowd of people in every pic. If it feels like homework finding you, I grow bored and move on. So post those group pics if you dare. Your friends MUST be better looking than you. Swipe left my babies.

Let’s  plan to meet and then cancel on me last minute asking for raincheck, etc. You are thinking, I’m so cool. I am thinking, geezums; maybe you don’t actually have any teeth. Once we finally coordinate a time, you then proceed to check your phone relentlessly during our date. It takes you days to return my single text. I’ll go out on a limb here and say that the boy is probably checking his lady-matches while pretending to spend time with you. Ego junkie. You know what to with that thumb ladies. Swipe it to the left. To the left…to the left…

Ratatouille is a free for all  dish in the southern world of French inspired culinary delights. Anything goes is the carte blanche approach to vegetable additions – it is entirely up to you and your palette (or whatever is available in your fridge). There are basically no mistakes to be made and all rules are meant to be broken.  Using locally sourced in season vegetables is an effective way to intensify this dish. The following recipe is just a starting point, the lagniappe is your call! *See topping it with a fried egg at the bottom. Cheers!

Ratatouille

*1 medium eggplant, cut into small chunks

1 medium zucchini, cut into small chunks

1 medium yellow squash, cut into small chunks

1 medium yellow onion, cut into small chunks

1 medium bell pepper, cut into small  chunks

3 garlic cloves, finely chopped

salt and pepper to taste

fresh tomato

1 bay leaf

 

Instructions:

reduce the onions (salt & pepper), brown the rest of the vegetables until just tender, cover and  reduce the heat let simmer for a few minutes and add the eggplant (season again at this point), let simmer for about 20 minutes more, minced garden fresh herbs of your liking make a great addition any time

I like to top mine with a fried egg. One perfectly, farm fresh sunny side up egg. Cheers!

 

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Tracy S. Garrett

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